Fan Duel plus Lorena Bobbit

People go ape shit over football and even more so for fantasy football. I think so much of it that I had a bus take us to the draft. The reason is so everyone could drink and not worry about driving home. I didn't think fantasy sports could get any better until I looked at fan duel. Fan duel is crazy because you pick your team every week and have a chance to win money. It's a website that let's people enter different contest that are as cheap as a dollar but also go up to two hundred dollars an entry. I tried it out last week and today found out that me and beard won sixty nine dollars. Ha ha sixty nine! The catch to the whole thing is that each player costs fake money and you start off with sixty thousand dollars. The team can't have Drew Brees AND Calvin Johnson AND Jimmy Graham. Let's just say it's a fun challenge to build the best team for that week with the money you have.

I wonder how many more fights couples will have now that thursday night football is all year long. For the fourth year monday night football had a double header to start the season. When I was younger I always thought it was crazy that my step father loved all the games. Now I'm an animal! I watch the red zone channel,the local game, and of course the Saints game all at one time! It's hard to not watch the fucking game cause I'm in seven effing leagues this year! That's ridiculous to be in seven leagues right? Wrong bitches. The greatest feeling in the world is when your team comes out of nowhere and makes a twenty to thirty point comeback during the last game of the week! Last night I went to bed early and missed a great comeback. Houston was getting a Penn State shower from the Chargers then all of the sudden they turned around and Sandusky wasn't taking a shower with a boy it turned out to be Lorena Bobbit! Wham! The Houston Texans cut off Sandusky's Pennis(get it Pennis?) and I missed it all!

darts and daqs and south park

Shane calls me right before I leave on my early day. I'm off on thursdays so its time to get medicated! Shane says what are you doing tonight and I already know shits about to get cray. I get home and Shane shows up and we argue about where we are getting torn down. I said lets go to that new casino in baton rouge and Shane says he hates casinos! What a letdown! Ok, so now what do you want to do since a casino urinated in your captain crunch?

You know its darts n daqs time! This time we get there and the bar tender looks like hes about to close the bar down! He said we can stay for a while so we start playing darts and getting hammered! Not sure why, but I'm on fire! Im throwing bulls like crazy. We played three games and I had over 20 bulls! After Shane gets destroyed we get the bar tender and his ladyfriend to start taking shots with us. Right before we decide to leave, the ladyfriend comes up with an idea that ultimately destroys all of us. Ladyfriend decides she's gonna make us do a shot that involves everclear. EVERCLEAR IS THE DEVIL. Not sure how we did this but we get the bar tender and his ladyfriend to leave with us to another bar. We walk to this bar and drink and play music. Shane sees that we have extra credits on the machine and looks over and tells this guy to play some free songs. This guy looks over and says I'm gonna punch you in the face. Shane says well thats a terrible idea why would you do that? Shane goes back to his seat and the ladyfriend informs him that the bipolar asshole that wants to fight him is her ex. This guy thinks Shane is stealing his kool aid! Meanwhile I'm at the other end of the bar telling the bar tender the only way she can talk to me is if she puts both of her hands on the bar. She is trying to clean up to close and I'm telling her she needs to put her hands on the bar to speak to me.

South Park Circle is the subdivision that I live in. There are some new houses being built so there is a porta potty. It's now time to go home so I'm pulling into south park circle and Shane sees a porta potty. The hot girl that runs in my subdivision lives next to where the new houses are being built. This girl has expensive SUVS there all the time. Hummer, Audi ,all that rich shit! It's like she runs a sugar daddy website at her house and rich guys come over and play guess how much this weighs then leave. Ok back to the story. Shane makes me slow down and this fool runs over and pushes the porta potty over and it lands in her lawn! It makes a huge noise so I start to pull off! As I'm speeding away to my house (which is about 5 houses down from my house) Shane tries to jump in the car. He lands his feet in and his heads in so I hit the gas! His back isn't in the car and he is trying to pull himself all the way back in the car. I'm laughing uncontrollably and still going as his back is scrapping the concrete! As Shane pulls himself in the car to realize he almost died, he sees that his shirt saved his back. The only thing I can do now is pull in the driveway,look at my mailbox that has cartman on it, and laugh about South Park Circle.