the ladders

First of all, I'm not talking about the ladders.com website. That site promises high paying jobs. You know, it promises jobs paying 100 grand or more.Good luck with that bullshit. I'm talking about real ladders. Mardi gras ladders for the kids and shit. Anyway, the night before mardi gras every year, the Knights of Columbus have all of their ladders put out. You know, for the kids and shit. Bad people will move your ladders or even steal them. It's a crazy,evil, hoop-ass world we live in. Someone has to stay up all night and watch those ladders. You know, for the kids and shit. They wanna see the floats and catch stuffed animals.

I'm not sure if the original ladder watchers caught the clap or not but I was asked to watch the ladders. Anyone in their right mind wouldn't ask me to watch 40 ladders. I can barely stay home alone. At this moment, I immediately think of the open bar upstairs and accept the job. At this moment of time I'm 15 years old.The possibilities of drinking and getting into crazy (new orleans) late night trouble make me say yes faster than Daniel Bryan.

It's now time to party cause everyone has left the knights of columbus. I'm in new orleans and in charge of all kinds of stuff!I'm the head sheriff of all these ladders! You know what? My cousin daniel is gonna help me watch these ladders.Evan,my step brother, is also helping us out in case we have to hand out stone cold stunners to gang members. Daniel is gonna watch the ladders while I go get ALL KINDS OF BEER from the bar upstairs.

Imagine having a bar with everything for free from 11p.m. until 5 a.m. Yeah sounds like alcohol poisoning for the young guy. No way! I drank those beers like a champ! I got so hammered I could barely walk! What ladders? Let me tell you how crazy it got. I'm walking down the road and some homeless guy walks up to me asking me if I want to smoke. I'm not even sure what he means smoke. The guy wouldn't leave me alone. He said man give me ten dollars and I'll bring you a joint. I then realized he was telling me I could not only get drunk but also partake in getting high! My brother Evan laughed and said just give him 10 bucks so he'll leave. So I give this bum ten dollars (which is against my rules) but there is a 3 percent chance he will return with the joint.

An hour goes by and I'm getting hammered and talking to people about a 100 feet down from us. These people are sleeping outside waiting in their spots. Some of these people have blankets and one couple even had a cot to lay on. About ten minutes later, I look over to my left, and this couple is in mid-smash. They are banging it out on the cot. Under the covers this guy is putting his member inside this girls body. I've never seen people smash in person before. This is awesome! Two people smashing on saint charles avenue in front of everyone. Everyone cheers for the smashing! I grab 2 beers like stone cold steve austin, and proceed to slam the beers together and chug them! The beer flies all over everyone and even the guy smashing yanks his pole from those sugar walls and tries to fight me!

I'm about ready to calm down and watch some ladders before the cops show up. After all, I'm 15 and drinking and watching a live porn! The bum shows up with the joint and Evan shakes his head in disbelief. The bum isn't a bum! He's a cheap and loyal drug dealer! WTF! This night can't get any better can it?

Daniel and Evan had a few beers but opted out of getting absolutely destroyed. I can barely make complete sentences at this point. It's time to watch the ladders now. I haven't tried to watch a ladder since they asked me to do the job. As I begin to take the job seriously, this girl walks up to me wasted and says hey you are cute. O yeah, it's time to lose my v card! This girl gets in the elevator with me ans I show her the bar right away. The elevator is old school and can be stopped at any moment. On the way down in the elevator I stop it. She rips open her shirt and then plays microphone! My kids are all over the elevator now!

 After my 5 minutes of fame, she decides to tell me she's from Oklahoma! I told her i didn't believe her so she pulls out her license and says yeah I'm an indian too! I lost it! She then proceeds to tell me her HUSBAND is sleeping and I should come with her to her hotel! I ran to the ladders ASAP! This married indian is gonna get her chief to kill me! It's time to say bye or "how" or whatever they say!

The next day I got a few hours of sleep. It's mardi gras day and I'm happier than a powerball winner. Nothing can go smoother for me. How could it get better? My mother walks up to me and says hey I heard you got a BJ in the elevator. WTF? I said mom I'm sorry but last night was epic. She told me about disease and also that she has to ride in that elevator today. I said mom I cleaned it up. It's gonna be ok, the ladders are safe. You know for the kids and shit. HAPPY MARDI GRAS!