your son has been hit by a suburban

Evan and I played the absolute shit out of video games when we were young. I really hated losing to him (especially in sports games). Nine times out of ten it would be a close game. Right at the end he would screw me over like the Brady-Manning rivalry. Madden, Ken Griffey Jr, and even racing games he would beat me everytime.

When the new system came out it used cd's instead of cartridges. Being the little hacker bastards we were, it was now time to learn how to copy games. Evan could really be happy with a new game a month. Not me. I wanted every fucking game that was ever made. Why? Why the fuck not? I had a dream that I could one day have every game. I found a special chip on the internet to override the copied disks.

It was now time to screw over the system. Evan and I would ride our bikes to Blockbuster and rent 3 games at a time. I would copy those games and bring them right back to the store that day and say they were terrible. The manager would tell me too bad. Using my inner car salesman I wouldn't take no for an answer. I told the manager that I really hated the games and that I really wanted to get three games i liked for the weekend. The next day I would bring those games back and said they didn't work and get three more! How the hell did I do that? The next day there was a new manager working. I'm an asshole. That's nine games in one weekend that I copied! It was addictive to get games so I made it happen until Evan grew tired of my bullshit.

Evan and I rode bikes everywhere. Whether it was basketball,blockbuster,or even sal's snowballs, we rode bikes anywhere in old Metairie. One day I knew Evan was going to boycott more video games because we just got 9 new ones a few days ago. My Tony Montana addiction was really taking over my life at this point.

On this particular ride I lied to Evan and said hey let's go eat at Burger King. Little did he know that we were going to make another hit at Blockbuster and copy more games on the way back. We were about two blocks away from my goal so I decided to tell him that we were also going to Blockbuster to get more games. Evan told me that he wasn't going to Blockbuster after we ate. I told Evan that he was messing up our collection and turning into a pussy over the situation. Evan then told me to go fuck myself and told me I was crazy. I REALLY WAS CRAZY. I couldn't help it. I had to get more and more like the games were cocaine!

Evan turns his bike around after I was an asshole to him and heads home. I'm still going to get my fucking games even if it kills me. About ten minutes after the arguement,TAKAW!!!!! Yeah I got hit by a Chevy Suburban. Not the new pussy plastic ones!!!The old suburbans that were made of pure metal. I got hit so hard,that the bike's tire was pushed into the frame. I obviously had a concussion because I was trying to get back on my bike and continue my journey to illegal copyrighting games! The guy jumps out of his Suburban and says hey man you can't leave we have to call your parents!

I go inside of this douchebags tire business and he calls my mom. The way he makes the phone call is the best part. He calls my mom (who just had the twins a few weeks ago) and says mam your son has been hit by a car. Then he pauses. My mom thinks I'm dead so she's screaming. My step dad runs up to the phone and says what happened!!!! She says Gary was run over by a car!!! I grab the phone from the tard guy and say he forgot to tell you that I'm alive!Evan is sitting in our room and he's playing playstation and gets yelled at for leaving me. The guy ends up buying me a new bike even though I could have sued him for his business. I think the Suburban knocked the addiction out of me after that day.

crazy barbara

(look at pottle's twin)

So Kevin meets this woman Barbara one night when he's out. Little did he know that she was a stage five clinger. At this point we have no clue the degree of crazy we have coming to us. Kevin comes over for the Saints game since it's an away game.(lucky mofo has season tickets,first row,bottom level,yeah what a view, I've been to a few games) We all meet this Barbara character and then watch all the games.

Monday night I get off of work and Kris and I are about to watch monday night football. Out of nowhere Barbara busts in the front door like she's Kramer from fucking Seinfeld. Kris is immediately embarassed that his brothers failed one night stand shows up for the two nighter at my house looking for Kevin. Right when crazy attempts to ask us where Kevin is, Kris interrupts her to inform her that we live in a subdivison and that trailer park actions will not be tolerated. Kris goes on to say we don't show up at peoples houses randomly in this neighborhood but thanks for attending. It's time for you to go.

Tuesday I get home from work and my girlfriend tells me she is on her way to put gas in Barbara's car at Chevron. She scams her into filling up her mini van by saying her ex husband was supposed to put money in her account. My tolerance of Barbara is now beyond full. Come to find out Barbara is an alcoholic that mooches off of anyone that will let her. She's about to find out the hard way that I'm not participating in her life anymore.

It's wednesday and Barbara is now calling Kevin's work. That's what we call level five stalking. Kris can't believe his eyes but Barbara is at my house at 8pm.(which is the time I get home from work) My brother is inside taking a shower and crazy knocks on the door and Jordan dries off and lets her in. Kris immediately calls me laughing to tell me that crazy is back asking where Kevin is.

I pull in the fucking driveway and jump out and say HEY CRAZY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! IF YOU SHOW UP HERE AGAIN I'LL MAKE YOUR 1995 VAN LOOK LIKE IT WAS MADE IN '85! LET'S GO! GET THE FUCK OUT OF SOUTH PARK NOW!

I look to my right and Kris is filming the whole thing like he's just signed on for fucking TMZ!

disney fast pass at best buy

Best buy is close to my house so I usually buy electronics from there. There mobile phone department is fucking terrible. I would rather get hit in the balls with a sledge hammer then deal with the people that work in that department.

The woman working the main computer is really fat,like fatter than me. She really sucks at her job too. To piss me off further, the customer is sitting on the bench like she has no other plans for the rest of her sorry ass day! It turns out that the woman isn't trying to buy a phone. This worthless housewife has all day to sit on the best buy bench over the tax difference on a refund. Yeah so the lazy bitch doesn't want to get cheated out of her two dollars, while everyone else sits there waiting 30 minutes. The fatass worker can't get the computer to refund her the right taxes so I lose my shit!

I try to walk away form the retard situation and look at the ipad air but I go right back to the fatass and the freeloader and say hey what's the fucking hold up? She says excuse me? I said it feels like I'm a disney world without a fucking fast pass! What in the fuck are we doing right now? There are at least 4 more computers open and you know the guys in surround sound are chilling listening to music. Let's get someone over here so I can buy this phone for my cousin. The freeloader says why are you making me feel bad for holding up the line? The fatass chimes in and says excuse me sir if you keep acting this way you will be asked to leave! I said you wish I would leave here I'm here to buy a phone and you can't get a manger here to fix your problem so now we are all in line at disney world. The manager runs up and says whats the problem? I said well these two are mad at me cause I don't want to sit here and watch them ride the tea cups. Im ready to buy and leave. Let's go. Manager gets me set up in less than five minutes. I look over at fatass and free loader and say well I guess being a dickhead has it's perks. As I'm walking out the door the free loader says well I hope you have a great year! I said O you know I will good luck with your 3 hour refund. Deuces!

sony pearl harbor

The day that the systems were announced for sale I made a hard decision. The choice had to be made out of the ps4 or the xbox one. I chose the ps4 and at the time thought it was the best choice. The Pearl harboring is about to go down. The japanese company released the system too early in order to meet the christmas holiday season demand. I got off of work at seven and it's time to try out my new ps4! I even had a few people over to try out the new system.

I hook everything up and nothing will appear on the screen. After scratching my head and being confused I try it on my other tvs. Still nothing. It's now time to call sony to get some help.

After three and a half hours on hold I finally get a person on the phone.They had me try all kinds of stuff. Press this button. Hold this do that. Nothing is working and I start to yell at these assholes. It's time to get some results so I ask for the supervisor. The guy before him said that it would be 2 weeks. They would repair the broken system. I said fuck that. Send me a new system and I'll return the shitty one when I get the new one. Then I said you know what? Fuck you I wanna talk to your manager. I'm three managers up and I'm ready to go off now. The 4th manager is now on the phone and there is no one higher than this guy. He says in 3 weeks to a month I'll get a repaired system back and nothing for free.

THESE STUPID SONS OF BITCHES DON'T CARE ABOUT AMERICA THEY WANT TO PEARL HARBOR MY ASS! IT GOES FROM TWO WEEKS, TO THREE,AND TO A MONTH NOW? IS THAT A SPECIAL YOU ARE HAVING? CAN YOU BOMB ME WITH ANOTHER TWO WEEKS OF REPAIRING A PIECE OD SHIT THAT DOESN'T WORK ON DAY ONE? BY THE WAY SONY, THIS IS DAY ONE EDITION CONSOLE! AT MIDNIGHT I TOLD SONY THEY CAN TEABAG EVERYONE ELSE THAT GOT BOMBED WITH SHITTY SERVICE JUST LIKE AT&T SERVICE. I'M GOING TO CALL AMAZON AND GET MY MONEY BACK FOR THE OPEN GAMES TOO!

So guess what happens next! Yeah I got all my money back and shipped it all back to japan so they can all shove it up their ass. I got an Xbox one and they took care of me. they shipped me a new one when my hard drive failed. Yeah that's right my american console worked then crapped out on me too. The difference was big though. They gave me free Xbox live and also shipped another console to me right away! I should have gotten the new Xbox from the beginning. I'll never forget the bombs Sony dropped on me and on Hawaii.

voodoo fest and the thief gets beat down

My brother jordan and I have been to voodoo fest 8 years in a row now. Every year we have a different group with us. This year our group of cronies were me, jordan,jojo, ben,(jojo's crazy friend that we call randy orton) tayler,tyler,peyton, and gabby. I'm almost 30 years old now so I fell like Uncle Buck. Remember Uncle Buck? John Candy with the kids. Fat guy with all the the young people. I wouldn't have it any other way. I even got a van to drive us all there this weekend like good old Uncle Buck!

So this year the vip parking is in a different area and the gate is too.We walk in and the setup looks squeezed together. The stages are very close and I don't like it. The problem is that Stephen Rehage blocked me on twitter last year cause I really pissed him off. A few years before this blocking, I tweeted his voodoo twitter about the sony booth with the playstation games. They got rid of it and his reason was the cost. This asshole has about 7 rides in the park but can't afford a small sony tent? The blocking came upon me when he announced that Green Day was not performing because Billy Joe's sorry ass had to go to rehab. That's awesome cause Green Day really blew after the third album anyway. Stephen Rehage didn't announce a replacement for days and I got on twitter to let him know he loves tube steak. I tweeted the worst thing I could think of. Rehage just got out of court after being accused of raping a woman. I tweeted " hey Rehage looks like you are raping us like you raped that girl#no replacement for green day? Ever since then I have been blocked and can't let him know how much he sucks.
                                            (this is not him but this is what his face looked like)

I'm watching calvin harris perform and I get a text from Tyler. He thinks Jordan got jumped. I run to meet up with Tyler and he tells me some guy ran up and stole Jordan's drink and ran off. So jordan runs after the guy and tackles him. The group of friends run after jordan and chase him into the crowd. Pearl Jam is about to perform so I want to see it but Jordan isn't answering his phone. Tyler finds the group of guys and I start asking questions. I tell the group everyone is about to die. They all start freaking out and they all sang like a canary! They said we don't know where he is we didn't jump him! I find Jordan shortly afterwards and we hunt the guy down because jordan thinks he stole his phone! The thief sees jordan and takes off running as fast as he can! Jordan catches up with him and tackles him again! After that, jordan puts him in a guilliotine choke and I run up like vitor belfort (or diego sanchez) and punch him in the face 12 times!

We ended up finding jordan's phone the next day in lost and found.The theif was there the next day all bruised up. We all just laughed at how crazy he was to try and steal. The best part is we also heard he had been stealing drinks from people all night. The bands were really great but we missed Pearl Jam and we really wanted to see them. The rest of the weekend was awesome.

burn this motha down! red rum! red rum!

Just about every other saturday they have ufc fights. We usually watch the fights and the college football games. We all play beer pong and darts at my house.Usually outside,under my carport. We play music just loud enough where the cops won't come harass us. Kevin was with us not too long ago and it was the night Lsu lost to georgia. It was an early game so we were already pissed off. After the fights ended we started our beer pong and darts. For darts I always play with Jordan. We very rarely lose. For beer pong I play with anyone. We don't play on some small crappy table. Instead we all play beer pong on a ping pong table. Regulation size bitches. Games last longer and it requires more skill. We all belong in the beer pong olympics ok?!

We play darts and beer pong til 3 sometimes 4 am. Kevin left and came back later on that night and we played beer pong and lost two and won one. At the end of the night I told Kevin about the guy that owns the subdivision we all live in. The guy that owns south park circle is a huge asshole. Between my house and Kris house there is a lot that one more house can fit in south park circle. The dickhead builder was told by the owner of the sub divsion to pour the driveway concrete where it cuts into my yard! The next day I asked the builder why the hell he puts concrete that cuts into my land! The concrete is now in front of my house for the new houses driveway! The builder said he thinks its stupid but he's going to fit another house next to the one he is building between our houses!

Of course Kevin drops what he's doing and walks across the street like he wants to kill someone. He has the look on his face like it's time to burn this motha down! At first I thought he was going to burn down the house. The best way to burn up your car or house(make sure you have gap if it's not paid for) is to use rubbing alcohol because it evaporates. The fire fighters will have a field day guessing who or what burned this motha down. It's not a good idea to get Kevin excited when he's wasted cause people get hurt. This dude jumps in his truck and drives in the new house's driveway. After looking at me with his patented redrum here's Johnny look, he burns his tires from the carport all the way to the street as slow as he possibly can. Let's not forget it's 3 am. We all run inside as every light in the subdivision gets turned on. About 6 of us are in my living room with the lights off watching this animal nascar his way through the driveway. The driveway at this point has to be effed in the a but we don't want to deal with the fuzz so we stay inside laughing. A hard long 7 minutes goes by and he finally stops burning his tires bald. The mma fighter three houses down walks out and says what the hell is going on to Kevin. Kevin tells the guy go back to sleep you didn't see shit! Everyone's mouth is still open and can't believe what just happened. We all start laughing talking about how pissed the builder is going to be on monday. About two minutes later I realize that just two days ago I was asking the builder why the driveway cut through my yard. I'm screwed now! He will think it was me for sure!

randi russo wdsu news

Every year Hammond has their own version of hot august nights. It's alot of music, food, and fun for everyone. Downtown Hammond is the spot where all of the madness goes down. People can get together for the cooking side of it or just go out and drink. I have been a few times and had a great time. The bars are usually filled with all kinds of people. The parking really blows so get there at a decent hour or prepare to walk a good bit. A great spot to relax and drink or eat is tope la. Its a nice restaurant with great food and a nice bar. I met up with some friends to get some appetizers and drink at the bar. Once everyone shows up at Tope la, its time to get white girl wasted. Instead of bar hopping we decide to stay at this bar and catch up with each other.

Here comes the part where wdsu acts like I'm messing up their night. This bar has a very long counter on it with many chairs. We have about 15 people altogether and growing. Some of us are standing and drinking,while others are sitting at the bar. Randi Russo decides she is going to steal my chair as I'm standing in front of it. I didn't move away from my chair I stood up to wave to someone. So Randi goofy looking bitch Russo steals my chair and I tell her I was sitting there. Instead of saying O I'm sorry I thought this chair was free she acts all cunty and says O it's looks like you need it more than I do! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Randi my shit don't stink effing Russo basically tells me I'm too fat and need the chair more than she does? She is from Ponchatoula, which is about a mile away from Hammond, so I'm guessing she feels at home telling me to go fuck myself in front of everyone. I don't take the chair I walked away from it. Randi needs to be told off on camera while she airs live. It looks like she's done for the evening, so it's time for some plan b. Not oops I don't want a baby plan b, I'm talking a plan to let her know how much of an asshole she is. I'm usually an asshole in most situations, but this time I didn't say anything mean to her for her to talk to me in the mean way she did. A few drinks later I tell my friends about Randi and her attitude problem and they all think it's hilarious. I didn't know who she was at the time but everyone said she's from here and she's on the news every night. I said I don't give a shit where she is from or what tv show she acts like a fake bitch on. I'm gonna put this mean bitch in her place before I leave. About an hour later they all say let's go out somewhere. I have some unfinished business with attitude problem bitch before I leave. As we walk out I wlak past her and say excuse me mini van hair cut looking bitch your chair is still open! Then I left and didn't look back.

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU RANDI RUSSO......YOU LOOK LIKE PACMAN AND BETTY BOOP COMBINED WITH DOWNS SYNDROME. YOU THINK I NEED A CHAIR? BITCH YOU NEED A FACE TRANSPLANT AND A HAIR CUT NOT FROM 1992. DO ME A FAVOR AND GO BACK TO TOPE LA AND FIND THAT CHAIR AND SIT IN IT. AFTER YOU SIT IN THE CHAIR, ASK THE BAR TENDER FOR A BLIMMET SHOT. IT'S GONNA TASTE JUST LIKE YOUR HAIRCUT. OLD AND SHITTY. WDSU NEEDS TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ASK THEMSLEVES TWO QUESTIONS.
1. DOES RANDI RUSSO AND HER SORRY ASS ATTITUDE REPRESENT WDSU AND THEIR VIEWS?
2. WILL RANDI RUSSO TO DO A REPORT ON HER FIRST BLIMMET SHOT IN HER CHAIR THAT HAS HER NAME ON IT AT TOPE LA?