crazy barbara

(look at pottle's twin)

So Kevin meets this woman Barbara one night when he's out. Little did he know that she was a stage five clinger. At this point we have no clue the degree of crazy we have coming to us. Kevin comes over for the Saints game since it's an away game.(lucky mofo has season tickets,first row,bottom level,yeah what a view, I've been to a few games) We all meet this Barbara character and then watch all the games.

Monday night I get off of work and Kris and I are about to watch monday night football. Out of nowhere Barbara busts in the front door like she's Kramer from fucking Seinfeld. Kris is immediately embarassed that his brothers failed one night stand shows up for the two nighter at my house looking for Kevin. Right when crazy attempts to ask us where Kevin is, Kris interrupts her to inform her that we live in a subdivison and that trailer park actions will not be tolerated. Kris goes on to say we don't show up at peoples houses randomly in this neighborhood but thanks for attending. It's time for you to go.

Tuesday I get home from work and my girlfriend tells me she is on her way to put gas in Barbara's car at Chevron. She scams her into filling up her mini van by saying her ex husband was supposed to put money in her account. My tolerance of Barbara is now beyond full. Come to find out Barbara is an alcoholic that mooches off of anyone that will let her. She's about to find out the hard way that I'm not participating in her life anymore.

It's wednesday and Barbara is now calling Kevin's work. That's what we call level five stalking. Kris can't believe his eyes but Barbara is at my house at 8pm.(which is the time I get home from work) My brother is inside taking a shower and crazy knocks on the door and Jordan dries off and lets her in. Kris immediately calls me laughing to tell me that crazy is back asking where Kevin is.

I pull in the fucking driveway and jump out and say HEY CRAZY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! IF YOU SHOW UP HERE AGAIN I'LL MAKE YOUR 1995 VAN LOOK LIKE IT WAS MADE IN '85! LET'S GO! GET THE FUCK OUT OF SOUTH PARK NOW!

I look to my right and Kris is filming the whole thing like he's just signed on for fucking TMZ!

disney fast pass at best buy

Best buy is close to my house so I usually buy electronics from there. There mobile phone department is fucking terrible. I would rather get hit in the balls with a sledge hammer then deal with the people that work in that department.

The woman working the main computer is really fat,like fatter than me. She really sucks at her job too. To piss me off further, the customer is sitting on the bench like she has no other plans for the rest of her sorry ass day! It turns out that the woman isn't trying to buy a phone. This worthless housewife has all day to sit on the best buy bench over the tax difference on a refund. Yeah so the lazy bitch doesn't want to get cheated out of her two dollars, while everyone else sits there waiting 30 minutes. The fatass worker can't get the computer to refund her the right taxes so I lose my shit!

I try to walk away form the retard situation and look at the ipad air but I go right back to the fatass and the freeloader and say hey what's the fucking hold up? She says excuse me? I said it feels like I'm a disney world without a fucking fast pass! What in the fuck are we doing right now? There are at least 4 more computers open and you know the guys in surround sound are chilling listening to music. Let's get someone over here so I can buy this phone for my cousin. The freeloader says why are you making me feel bad for holding up the line? The fatass chimes in and says excuse me sir if you keep acting this way you will be asked to leave! I said you wish I would leave here I'm here to buy a phone and you can't get a manger here to fix your problem so now we are all in line at disney world. The manager runs up and says whats the problem? I said well these two are mad at me cause I don't want to sit here and watch them ride the tea cups. Im ready to buy and leave. Let's go. Manager gets me set up in less than five minutes. I look over at fatass and free loader and say well I guess being a dickhead has it's perks. As I'm walking out the door the free loader says well I hope you have a great year! I said O you know I will good luck with your 3 hour refund. Deuces!

sony pearl harbor

The day that the systems were announced for sale I made a hard decision. The choice had to be made out of the ps4 or the xbox one. I chose the ps4 and at the time thought it was the best choice. The Pearl harboring is about to go down. The japanese company released the system too early in order to meet the christmas holiday season demand. I got off of work at seven and it's time to try out my new ps4! I even had a few people over to try out the new system.

I hook everything up and nothing will appear on the screen. After scratching my head and being confused I try it on my other tvs. Still nothing. It's now time to call sony to get some help.

After three and a half hours on hold I finally get a person on the phone.They had me try all kinds of stuff. Press this button. Hold this do that. Nothing is working and I start to yell at these assholes. It's time to get some results so I ask for the supervisor. The guy before him said that it would be 2 weeks. They would repair the broken system. I said fuck that. Send me a new system and I'll return the shitty one when I get the new one. Then I said you know what? Fuck you I wanna talk to your manager. I'm three managers up and I'm ready to go off now. The 4th manager is now on the phone and there is no one higher than this guy. He says in 3 weeks to a month I'll get a repaired system back and nothing for free.

THESE STUPID SONS OF BITCHES DON'T CARE ABOUT AMERICA THEY WANT TO PEARL HARBOR MY ASS! IT GOES FROM TWO WEEKS, TO THREE,AND TO A MONTH NOW? IS THAT A SPECIAL YOU ARE HAVING? CAN YOU BOMB ME WITH ANOTHER TWO WEEKS OF REPAIRING A PIECE OD SHIT THAT DOESN'T WORK ON DAY ONE? BY THE WAY SONY, THIS IS DAY ONE EDITION CONSOLE! AT MIDNIGHT I TOLD SONY THEY CAN TEABAG EVERYONE ELSE THAT GOT BOMBED WITH SHITTY SERVICE JUST LIKE AT&T SERVICE. I'M GOING TO CALL AMAZON AND GET MY MONEY BACK FOR THE OPEN GAMES TOO!

So guess what happens next! Yeah I got all my money back and shipped it all back to japan so they can all shove it up their ass. I got an Xbox one and they took care of me. they shipped me a new one when my hard drive failed. Yeah that's right my american console worked then crapped out on me too. The difference was big though. They gave me free Xbox live and also shipped another console to me right away! I should have gotten the new Xbox from the beginning. I'll never forget the bombs Sony dropped on me and on Hawaii.

voodoo fest and the thief gets beat down

My brother jordan and I have been to voodoo fest 8 years in a row now. Every year we have a different group with us. This year our group of cronies were me, jordan,jojo, ben,(jojo's crazy friend that we call randy orton) tayler,tyler,peyton, and gabby. I'm almost 30 years old now so I fell like Uncle Buck. Remember Uncle Buck? John Candy with the kids. Fat guy with all the the young people. I wouldn't have it any other way. I even got a van to drive us all there this weekend like good old Uncle Buck!

So this year the vip parking is in a different area and the gate is too.We walk in and the setup looks squeezed together. The stages are very close and I don't like it. The problem is that Stephen Rehage blocked me on twitter last year cause I really pissed him off. A few years before this blocking, I tweeted his voodoo twitter about the sony booth with the playstation games. They got rid of it and his reason was the cost. This asshole has about 7 rides in the park but can't afford a small sony tent? The blocking came upon me when he announced that Green Day was not performing because Billy Joe's sorry ass had to go to rehab. That's awesome cause Green Day really blew after the third album anyway. Stephen Rehage didn't announce a replacement for days and I got on twitter to let him know he loves tube steak. I tweeted the worst thing I could think of. Rehage just got out of court after being accused of raping a woman. I tweeted " hey Rehage looks like you are raping us like you raped that girl#no replacement for green day? Ever since then I have been blocked and can't let him know how much he sucks.
                                            (this is not him but this is what his face looked like)

I'm watching calvin harris perform and I get a text from Tyler. He thinks Jordan got jumped. I run to meet up with Tyler and he tells me some guy ran up and stole Jordan's drink and ran off. So jordan runs after the guy and tackles him. The group of friends run after jordan and chase him into the crowd. Pearl Jam is about to perform so I want to see it but Jordan isn't answering his phone. Tyler finds the group of guys and I start asking questions. I tell the group everyone is about to die. They all start freaking out and they all sang like a canary! They said we don't know where he is we didn't jump him! I find Jordan shortly afterwards and we hunt the guy down because jordan thinks he stole his phone! The thief sees jordan and takes off running as fast as he can! Jordan catches up with him and tackles him again! After that, jordan puts him in a guilliotine choke and I run up like vitor belfort (or diego sanchez) and punch him in the face 12 times!

We ended up finding jordan's phone the next day in lost and found.The theif was there the next day all bruised up. We all just laughed at how crazy he was to try and steal. The best part is we also heard he had been stealing drinks from people all night. The bands were really great but we missed Pearl Jam and we really wanted to see them. The rest of the weekend was awesome.

burn this motha down! red rum! red rum!

Just about every other saturday they have ufc fights. We usually watch the fights and the college football games. We all play beer pong and darts at my house.Usually outside,under my carport. We play music just loud enough where the cops won't come harass us. Kevin was with us not too long ago and it was the night Lsu lost to georgia. It was an early game so we were already pissed off. After the fights ended we started our beer pong and darts. For darts I always play with Jordan. We very rarely lose. For beer pong I play with anyone. We don't play on some small crappy table. Instead we all play beer pong on a ping pong table. Regulation size bitches. Games last longer and it requires more skill. We all belong in the beer pong olympics ok?!

We play darts and beer pong til 3 sometimes 4 am. Kevin left and came back later on that night and we played beer pong and lost two and won one. At the end of the night I told Kevin about the guy that owns the subdivision we all live in. The guy that owns south park circle is a huge asshole. Between my house and Kris house there is a lot that one more house can fit in south park circle. The dickhead builder was told by the owner of the sub divsion to pour the driveway concrete where it cuts into my yard! The next day I asked the builder why the hell he puts concrete that cuts into my land! The concrete is now in front of my house for the new houses driveway! The builder said he thinks its stupid but he's going to fit another house next to the one he is building between our houses!

Of course Kevin drops what he's doing and walks across the street like he wants to kill someone. He has the look on his face like it's time to burn this motha down! At first I thought he was going to burn down the house. The best way to burn up your car or house(make sure you have gap if it's not paid for) is to use rubbing alcohol because it evaporates. The fire fighters will have a field day guessing who or what burned this motha down. It's not a good idea to get Kevin excited when he's wasted cause people get hurt. This dude jumps in his truck and drives in the new house's driveway. After looking at me with his patented redrum here's Johnny look, he burns his tires from the carport all the way to the street as slow as he possibly can. Let's not forget it's 3 am. We all run inside as every light in the subdivision gets turned on. About 6 of us are in my living room with the lights off watching this animal nascar his way through the driveway. The driveway at this point has to be effed in the a but we don't want to deal with the fuzz so we stay inside laughing. A hard long 7 minutes goes by and he finally stops burning his tires bald. The mma fighter three houses down walks out and says what the hell is going on to Kevin. Kevin tells the guy go back to sleep you didn't see shit! Everyone's mouth is still open and can't believe what just happened. We all start laughing talking about how pissed the builder is going to be on monday. About two minutes later I realize that just two days ago I was asking the builder why the driveway cut through my yard. I'm screwed now! He will think it was me for sure!

randi russo wdsu news

Every year Hammond has their own version of hot august nights. It's alot of music, food, and fun for everyone. Downtown Hammond is the spot where all of the madness goes down. People can get together for the cooking side of it or just go out and drink. I have been a few times and had a great time. The bars are usually filled with all kinds of people. The parking really blows so get there at a decent hour or prepare to walk a good bit. A great spot to relax and drink or eat is tope la. Its a nice restaurant with great food and a nice bar. I met up with some friends to get some appetizers and drink at the bar. Once everyone shows up at Tope la, its time to get white girl wasted. Instead of bar hopping we decide to stay at this bar and catch up with each other.

Here comes the part where wdsu acts like I'm messing up their night. This bar has a very long counter on it with many chairs. We have about 15 people altogether and growing. Some of us are standing and drinking,while others are sitting at the bar. Randi Russo decides she is going to steal my chair as I'm standing in front of it. I didn't move away from my chair I stood up to wave to someone. So Randi goofy looking bitch Russo steals my chair and I tell her I was sitting there. Instead of saying O I'm sorry I thought this chair was free she acts all cunty and says O it's looks like you need it more than I do! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Randi my shit don't stink effing Russo basically tells me I'm too fat and need the chair more than she does? She is from Ponchatoula, which is about a mile away from Hammond, so I'm guessing she feels at home telling me to go fuck myself in front of everyone. I don't take the chair I walked away from it. Randi needs to be told off on camera while she airs live. It looks like she's done for the evening, so it's time for some plan b. Not oops I don't want a baby plan b, I'm talking a plan to let her know how much of an asshole she is. I'm usually an asshole in most situations, but this time I didn't say anything mean to her for her to talk to me in the mean way she did. A few drinks later I tell my friends about Randi and her attitude problem and they all think it's hilarious. I didn't know who she was at the time but everyone said she's from here and she's on the news every night. I said I don't give a shit where she is from or what tv show she acts like a fake bitch on. I'm gonna put this mean bitch in her place before I leave. About an hour later they all say let's go out somewhere. I have some unfinished business with attitude problem bitch before I leave. As we walk out I wlak past her and say excuse me mini van hair cut looking bitch your chair is still open! Then I left and didn't look back.

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU RANDI RUSSO......YOU LOOK LIKE PACMAN AND BETTY BOOP COMBINED WITH DOWNS SYNDROME. YOU THINK I NEED A CHAIR? BITCH YOU NEED A FACE TRANSPLANT AND A HAIR CUT NOT FROM 1992. DO ME A FAVOR AND GO BACK TO TOPE LA AND FIND THAT CHAIR AND SIT IN IT. AFTER YOU SIT IN THE CHAIR, ASK THE BAR TENDER FOR A BLIMMET SHOT. IT'S GONNA TASTE JUST LIKE YOUR HAIRCUT. OLD AND SHITTY. WDSU NEEDS TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ASK THEMSLEVES TWO QUESTIONS.
1. DOES RANDI RUSSO AND HER SORRY ASS ATTITUDE REPRESENT WDSU AND THEIR VIEWS?
2. WILL RANDI RUSSO TO DO A REPORT ON HER FIRST BLIMMET SHOT IN HER CHAIR THAT HAS HER NAME ON IT AT TOPE LA?

saints vs cardinals front row

So my neighbor has a crazy brother that is just as hilarious as himself. Kevin has Saints season tickets and they are front row lower level. I've never been that close to the field and Kevin invited me the day before. Kevin drives worse than my brother so I offered to drive. I don't know how but we made it there just in time for the game. We were right where the players come running out of the tunnel. Getting to see Drew Brees up close was amazing. The game starts and I'm going nuts watching the players up close. Everytime the Saints get a first down, Kevin drags his arm across all of us and we all have to give him a high five or he flips out!

After the first quarter ends, Kevin says hey man lets go outside to the designated cigarette smoking area. I don't smoke cigarettes anymore so I'm pissed off. I tell Kevin he's crazy for missing this game over a fucking cigarette! How can we leave the game for a stupid cigarette? Kevin tells me to shut the fuck up and go with him. I figure that we will be right back after one cigarette so who cares. We get to this smoking area and there are about two hundred people outside smoking cigarettes like they are on death row! At this point i feel like i have ciarettes in every hole of my body.(even my butthole) I said eff it man I might as well smoke one also. ALL OF THESE ASSHOLES(not just a few) smoke back to back cigarettes like they are waiting to find out if they have aids or cancer. As a matter of a fact, at this moment it feels like I'm in China trying to get out of the smog pollution. After cursing out Kevin 3 times we finally get back to the game. We pretty much missed the whole damn 2nd quarter. The rest of the game was great. I didn't get teabagged into going to the smokers convention the 3rd and 4th quarter.

After the game he says let's go party! I said hell yeah lets's go! We go to bourbon and start drinking. At this point Kevin starts getting hammered and wants to keep going and going. The saints game started at noon, which gave me plenty of time to have fun and get Kevin back home at a decent hour right? Wrong bitches. This guy wanted to party til the next morning. We both had work the next day so I started on him early. I said hey kevin lets go back home to watch the sunday night game. Kevin says ok one more beer. Now I know he's full of crap and I'm guessing on getting home for about midnight against my will. I start watching the sunday night game at the bar with my light up blue cup. About 15 minutes later I look over to find Kevin talking to a girl that looks like shrek. Her friend was gross too. I laugh at first then go to save him. He doesn't want to be saved and they both ask me if he is gay. They said he keeps telling them that he loves cock. I bust out laughing and pull him to the side and ask him if he's retarded. They don't believe him and keep saying there is no way your friend is gay. They both start kissing him and I'm just laughing. This guy picks up girls by telling them he's queer and loves cock! We finally leave after he has a  threeway kiss with the gross girls.

The next day Kris finds me on the Saints website. Someone that works for the Saints took our picture. Here I am looking like I love weiners in my mouth. Pretty embarrassing picture but I was screaming for my team.

Look at Kevin on the left. Crazy bastard wore that jersey to the superbowl when the saint went all the way. He hasn't washed it since. It has more stains on it than Michael jackson's Never Never Land.

Fan Duel plus Lorena Bobbit

People go ape shit over football and even more so for fantasy football. I think so much of it that I had a bus take us to the draft. The reason is so everyone could drink and not worry about driving home. I didn't think fantasy sports could get any better until I looked at fan duel. Fan duel is crazy because you pick your team every week and have a chance to win money. It's a website that let's people enter different contest that are as cheap as a dollar but also go up to two hundred dollars an entry. I tried it out last week and today found out that me and beard won sixty nine dollars. Ha ha sixty nine! The catch to the whole thing is that each player costs fake money and you start off with sixty thousand dollars. The team can't have Drew Brees AND Calvin Johnson AND Jimmy Graham. Let's just say it's a fun challenge to build the best team for that week with the money you have.

I wonder how many more fights couples will have now that thursday night football is all year long. For the fourth year monday night football had a double header to start the season. When I was younger I always thought it was crazy that my step father loved all the games. Now I'm an animal! I watch the red zone channel,the local game, and of course the Saints game all at one time! It's hard to not watch the fucking game cause I'm in seven effing leagues this year! That's ridiculous to be in seven leagues right? Wrong bitches. The greatest feeling in the world is when your team comes out of nowhere and makes a twenty to thirty point comeback during the last game of the week! Last night I went to bed early and missed a great comeback. Houston was getting a Penn State shower from the Chargers then all of the sudden they turned around and Sandusky wasn't taking a shower with a boy it turned out to be Lorena Bobbit! Wham! The Houston Texans cut off Sandusky's Pennis(get it Pennis?) and I missed it all!

darts and daqs and south park

Shane calls me right before I leave on my early day. I'm off on thursdays so its time to get medicated! Shane says what are you doing tonight and I already know shits about to get cray. I get home and Shane shows up and we argue about where we are getting torn down. I said lets go to that new casino in baton rouge and Shane says he hates casinos! What a letdown! Ok, so now what do you want to do since a casino urinated in your captain crunch?

You know its darts n daqs time! This time we get there and the bar tender looks like hes about to close the bar down! He said we can stay for a while so we start playing darts and getting hammered! Not sure why, but I'm on fire! Im throwing bulls like crazy. We played three games and I had over 20 bulls! After Shane gets destroyed we get the bar tender and his ladyfriend to start taking shots with us. Right before we decide to leave, the ladyfriend comes up with an idea that ultimately destroys all of us. Ladyfriend decides she's gonna make us do a shot that involves everclear. EVERCLEAR IS THE DEVIL. Not sure how we did this but we get the bar tender and his ladyfriend to leave with us to another bar. We walk to this bar and drink and play music. Shane sees that we have extra credits on the machine and looks over and tells this guy to play some free songs. This guy looks over and says I'm gonna punch you in the face. Shane says well thats a terrible idea why would you do that? Shane goes back to his seat and the ladyfriend informs him that the bipolar asshole that wants to fight him is her ex. This guy thinks Shane is stealing his kool aid! Meanwhile I'm at the other end of the bar telling the bar tender the only way she can talk to me is if she puts both of her hands on the bar. She is trying to clean up to close and I'm telling her she needs to put her hands on the bar to speak to me.

South Park Circle is the subdivision that I live in. There are some new houses being built so there is a porta potty. It's now time to go home so I'm pulling into south park circle and Shane sees a porta potty. The hot girl that runs in my subdivision lives next to where the new houses are being built. This girl has expensive SUVS there all the time. Hummer, Audi ,all that rich shit! It's like she runs a sugar daddy website at her house and rich guys come over and play guess how much this weighs then leave. Ok back to the story. Shane makes me slow down and this fool runs over and pushes the porta potty over and it lands in her lawn! It makes a huge noise so I start to pull off! As I'm speeding away to my house (which is about 5 houses down from my house) Shane tries to jump in the car. He lands his feet in and his heads in so I hit the gas! His back isn't in the car and he is trying to pull himself all the way back in the car. I'm laughing uncontrollably and still going as his back is scrapping the concrete! As Shane pulls himself in the car to realize he almost died, he sees that his shirt saved his back. The only thing I can do now is pull in the driveway,look at my mailbox that has cartman on it, and laugh about South Park Circle.

getting away and chillin in the bay

As soon as I got off of work, I got my stuff together and started driving to Bay Saint Louis. My family lives right on the beach, so it's good to get away from the bullshit sometimes. About ten minutes into driving, some squirrel that drives worse than Helen Keller is driving an 18 wheeler. This guy pulls right in front of me and I slam on my brakes. Shit is about to get real. At first I laid on the horn for 20 seconds. 20 seconds is a bit excessive, but this guy is about to get his head slammed in the door of his own truck. This blimmet sees that all I want to do is pass him up, so he drives slower and slower.(ON PURPOSE) Now it's time for a white trash beating to occur. To make things worse, this asshole throws a bottle down and finally gets in the right lane. I run over the glass and pull right in front of him.Next I slam on my brakes and this guy gets what he deserves. He ran off the side of the road onto the shoulder and all the cars behind him think he did it all!

We finally arrive at the yacht club. It's time to eat and get wasted! The bar was really packed so we got a table in the front. The food was great and it was now time to get completely hammered at the bar upstairs! After a few drinks my brothers showed up with their friend Pitalios. This dude looks like tayler and tyler morphed into one. I'm in the middle of talking to them about Vine videos,and this guy that used to cut my hair 12 years ago literally teabags my knee. I know I say the word teabag way too much, but this shit really happened! I was sitting on a stool and he teabagged my fucking knee! It was terrible! I felt like Jerry Sandusky's son!Not exactly like his son but minus the shower and butt pain.

The next day we all go to Gulfport to eat at Fridays and go see a movie. My brothers always get the same damn thing. Buffalo boneless wings is all they want on the menu. The waitress was terrible. This bitch didn't try to refill our drinks and I'm always a great tipper. Finally I get mad and look over and see this squirrel texting on her phone at the other end of the bar. We are at a table in the bar area and can see her sucking at life in real time. It's like a supper doppler radar but for people that will amount to nothing in life. I walk over to the bar tender and tell her can we get some refills I don't want to bother our waitress that blows because she's texting. The bar tender looks over and says wow I'm sorry I'll help you out. She brings us our drinks and then our waitress doesn't even notice that the bar tender is now doing 2 jobs! It doesn't get worse does it? O yes it fucking does. Little miss text at work finally brings me the bill after I had to ask for that too. She has the testicular fortitude to write thanks Jen! I look at the receipt and realize it's time to get real. Right nexrt to her name I write Douchebag. Now the receipt says thanks douchebag Jen! Above the receipt i wrote: keep texting! I still tipped this blimmet 12 bucks!

The twins decide they want bowling instead of a movie,so Tayler closes us on going to the most run down blowing alley in the USA! The ball return was pretty fast but the kitchen was full of the hills have eyes people! One girl caught an attitude if you asked a question so you know I had a great time with that. This place charges a dollar everytime you use your card instead of cash. I asked her why was the dollar charge necessary and she rolled her eyes at me. At that moment I wanted to stick her arm in the deep fryer but instead I went back to my lane. I got the lightest bowling ball and threw it as hard as I could right down the middle for a strike! We had a great weekend and I think Pitalios won the last game.

irobot:The fresh blimmet of bel air

Not Will Smith i robot. Im talking about the i robot that is also called Roomba. This crazy thing cleans your floors on its own. Before I start talking about the i robot vacuum cleaner,let's talk about Will Smith. Will Smith is an asshole. His kids suck too. Will Smith was filming in Louisiana not too long ago, and we have great tax breaks for the movie industry,so a lot of movies are filmed in our state. (Bobby Jindal wants to get rid of these tax breaks because he is an idiot.) So Will Smith is filming in our great state and this dickhead doesn't have a movie trailer like most stars do. This blimmet has to bring a super movie trailer to the set. Why should I give a shit about that? Well this asshole decides he's going to park his three story trailer in front of some businesses. Now no one can see the places of business. This isn't the first time he teabagged a business. He did the same thing in New York and there was an article about it. The owners of the business were blocked by his massive three story, marble floor, super trailer. These owners of these businesses went weeks of losing money cause of this monster bus parked in front of their stores. Here's why this guy is a blimmet. He was nothing but a regular guy back in the day. Now that this blimmet is famous, he acts like an idiot,has a drama queen temper,could care less about other people, and most of all this piece of shit thinks his kids can act. His kids really suck in all of their 3 movies or whatever these ass clowns are forced into with the help of the fresh Blimmet of Bel Air. Remember Willow? The movie with the midget? He named his daughter Willow then this bitch has a song called whip my hair back and forth. What a bunch of bogues. All of them should drive their super bus off a cliff.

I'm done bitching about Will Smith. Back to the crazy robot vacuum cleaner! This thing is amazing! I got it from Sam's club during this crazy sale that was opened for two hours. Right when I pull up they had about 300 people wrapped around the building! I finally get in the store and I tell my friend to run to the stuff he wants and we will meet in the middle. The good news is that the store put all the stuff that's on special right in the middle of the store. It's time to run over children and old people. They slow the process down. A few good elbows are good too. Plus when the ambulance comes to scrap the old people and small kids off the ground it creates a distraction so you can find more things while people are trying to "help the old and small kids". (I'm just joking people settle down) I find the i robot vacuum and buy some other shit I don't need. As soon as I get home I set up this robot and my dog Cole is afraid of it. After watching it roam around the house for a while, I empty out a bunch of hair and stuff. This thing is a beast! Two days later I let it work while I run an errand. My dog Cole is pissed off that he now has to share space with a fucking robot. This asshole takes the biggest crap he's ever taken in his life while I'm gone. The i robot runs over the crap and starts throwing the shit all over my kitchen like a monkey in a zoo! When I get home my dog is grinning his ass off, and I'm wondering if a monkey escaped the zoo and threw crap all over my kitchen. My robot is just days old at this point! Its now tempered in raw shit just like the Hudson river!

nancy pelosi washing machine

When I was a kid, my mother had a simple washing machine. The thing was fucking older than me! I even used it through high school. The bastard just kept on going on going. It was a Kenmore and I'll never forget that monster, cause it just wouldn't die. I even took the thing to my apartment for college! When I bought my house I decided to get a new set. (Of course I go to sears cause that's where you can get a good deal on appliances.)The sales guy is just doing his job trying to upsell me and some new bullshit. This guy tells me this model will save me on energy use and tells me that it uses less water than regular washers. Immediately I'm telling this guy that the washer will have more shit on it break and I would rather get a regular one. Think about some sensor or computer thing going all tard on me and crapping out. He was a good salesman and I was talked into buying this left winger Nacy Pelosi washing machine. Yeah I said Nacy Pelosi washing machine. It uses less water and I also have to buy more expensive detergent for this shit too! The salesperson failed to tell me while he was explaining how awesome the machine was, that another employee was sneaking around the corner with a strap on to fuck me over! This thing has broken three times on me and now it's out of warranty.

My good friend's dad works on washing machines and stuff that makes worrying noises like that. I hate to ask him to look at it cause he won't charge me for it. I'm told to call another repair guy and lets just say this asshole won't call me back after texting and leaving messages on his voice mail so fuck him. I went to put his last name in my phone and my phone corrected the name and put mascot. To take things to the next level I put a college team mascot as his picture on my phone since he doesn't know how to call people back he can cheer for college teams since a simple fucking phone call that could make him money isn't important enough. Maybe next time I should tell him I'm Donald Trump.

Back to the reason why I call this piece of crap washer a Nancy Pelosi washer. Even though I'm more of a left center on politics,I really don't like Pelosi. Sometimes her agenda can screw things up for some people but as long as her save the planet image stays in tact it's ok? Fuck that! This washing machine should have a huge picture of this bitch on it! What good does this fucking thing do for me in reality? On paper, this thing saves water. Who gives a fuck about saving water when the mother fucker doesn't work? Who wants to pay more for special pound me in the ass Pelosi detergent and constantly repair a washing machine over saving some fucking water? This sensor,computer, flux capacitor ,whatever the fuck extra it has on it basically acts as a strap on that wants to rape me where I exit only.